he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
