You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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