How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
