hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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