my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
