I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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