I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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