Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Duck Duck Cougar?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
