both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
