Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
