it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
