I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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