The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
