He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
