i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
