Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
