Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
