If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
