his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
