yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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