I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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