if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
