If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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