What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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