So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
