I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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