dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
