I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
