Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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