North Korea, Best Korea!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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