Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
