I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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