Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
