I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
