I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
