At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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