so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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