I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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