nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
