He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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