what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize