We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
