4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize