Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
