He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
