She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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