Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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