My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
