No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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