***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is Oprah even human
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
