Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
