i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
