so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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