Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
