OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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