Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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