My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I want is dick and wine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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