just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's never too late to be topless.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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