I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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