She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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