think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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