Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Randomize
