all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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