dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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