Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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