I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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