A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
