Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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