all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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