so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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